I Love You
by btrsavedmylife
Summary: Kendall knows something about James but doesn't know how to bring it up. I don't really know what to say for the summary so, yeah. Mainly Kames but Cargan is there.
1. Chapter 1

**AN- I was going to self-harm but I wrote this instead. This story has self-harm mentions. If this is a trigger for you, please do ****not**** read this story.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters :(**

Kendall sat down and got his homework out. He reached into his black backpack and got out his pencil case. His blonde hair fell over his emerald eyes as he leant forward in his chair. A frustrated sigh escaped his mouth as he realised his pencil was blunt. He knew he didn't have a sharpener. Katie had "borrowed" it. James had one. Kendall knew that. He had seen him with it a few weeks ago. James wasn't in the apartment. In fact, Kendall was all alone in the apartment. Everyone else had gone out. Carlos and Logan were at the cinemas on a date, Katie and Jennifer were grocery shopping and James was writing a new song with Gustavo.

Kendall stood up and walked over to James' chest of drawers. The blonde really hoped James didn't find out about this. For some reason, James was really secretive about them. Especially the bottom one. But this was the drawer the pencil sharpener was in. Kendall saw him put it in there. Why would anyone put a pencil sharpener in a chest of drawers? Kendall knelt down and pulled out the bottom drawer.

It was full of bracelets fans had made. There were a few fan letters as well. Kendall took some out of the drawer. He frowned in confusion as he saw a bloodied tissue at the bottom. The sharpener was next to it, but it was upside down. Kendall took it out. The blade was missing. What the hell? It was then he noticed the blade was in the drawer, half-covered by a fan letter. Kendall picked the blade up and twirled it around in his fingers.

'Kendall?! I'm back!' James called out. Kendall quickly put everything back in the drawer and closed it. He stood up and sat back down on the hard chair by the desk.

'In our room!' He shouted out. James walked in their shared room and smiled at his boyfriend.

'Doing homework? I knew something else you can do,' he smiled cheekily. Kendall smiled back and walked over to room.

'Are you trying to seduce me Diamond?' he questioned, raising an eyebrow.

'Is it working Knight?' James' voice was lower than it usually was and it was husky.

'Fuck yes.' Kendall quickly pressed their lips together and walked over to James' bed. Kendall ran his hands through James' perfect hair. James wasn't aware they were moving until he felt the backs of his knees hit his bed and he fell back, pulling Kendall down and top of him. The need for oxygen became too much and they both pulled away briefly. In that short time they were apart, James noticed that Kendall's usually emerald eyes had gone dark. Almost black.

'Kendall? James?' Carlos and Logan were back then. Kendall stood up and pulled James up.

'We're up here!' Kendall answered angrily. He smiled at James' messy hair. The brunette noticed and immediately got his lucky comb to sort it out.

He had just finished combing is hair when Carlos and Logan walked into their room.

'Did we interrupt something?' Logan smirked, noticing their red lips. The two tall boys sighed and rolled their eyes.

'Actually yes,' Kendall tried to look annoyed but failed and ended up smiling.

'We're going to play video games. Want to come play?' Carlos asked. James and Kendall looked at each other and smiled. All four boys walked out of the Kames bedroom.

'I guess the sex can wait Diamond,' Kendall whispered into James' ear as they walked out. As he was doing so, he couldn't help but notice that James seemed to be wearing more bracelets.

**AN- So yeah that's it. For now. Review please.**


	2. Chapter 2

**AN- Thanks for following and favouriting :) The text in **_Italics_** happened in the past.**

**Disclaimer- I do not own any of the characters :(**

James stood up from the couch,  
'I'm going in the shower.' The 3 other guys made grunting noises and carried on playing video games. James walked up to his and Kendall's room.

James took off his bracelets and put them into the drawer. He looked at his wrist and sighed. Angry red lines, crossed over each other. He picked up the towel from his bed and walked into the bathroom.

He took his clothes off and put them into the hamper. His jeans rubbed against his scars on his thighs. He closed his eyes in pain. They started to bleed lightly. He sighed and turned the shower on. The brunette stood under the hot stream of water and felt it run down his body. It felt good against his aching muscles. He closed his eyes again. This time, it was half in relief and half in pain. The hot water stung his wrist and thighs.

Kendall walked into the bedroom, smiling triumphantly. He had beaten Carlos and Logan in the video game. His thick eyebrows furrowed together as he heard the shower running in the bathroom he shared with James. He knocked on the door.

'Yeah?' James' voice floated out.

Kendall smiled,  
'I didn't know who was using our shower.'

' I did say I was going in the shower Kendall,' James said. The blonde thought back to the video game and smiled again when he remembered. He walked away from the door and sat down on his bed. He looked over to James' bed and chest of drawers. Kendall remembered the sharpener without the blade, the bloodied tissue in the bottom drawer and James had been wearing more fan bracelets recently. Could James be... No. Of course not. But could James, Kendall's boyfriend and the "pretty one" of Big Time Rush be self-harming? Kendall shook his head to rid the thoughts from his head. They kept coming back though.

As James washed himself with the shower gel, he looked down at his body. He hated what he same. His thighs were too big, his fingers were too long. As his head was bent down, his chocolate brown hair flopped forward over his face. His hair was too thick. The tall man sighed. Why didn't Big Time Rush have more fans? They were good at singing. The could dance. Why were One Direction more popular? Of course. All members of One Direction were good looking. Only 3 members of Big Time Rush were good looking.

James smiled angrily, sadly and bitterly. He poked his head around the shower curtain and saw what he wanted. A navy wash bag. He reached over and picked it up. He emptied the contents onto the shower floor. Toothbrush, comb, toothpaste, razor, floss and right at the bottom and last to fall out, what he wanted.  
A razor blade.  
James picked it up and twirled it around in his fingers. He suddenly brought it down onto his thigh and slashed it over. And over. And over again. After a few minutes he dropped the blade, closed his eyes and leant against the wall.

'James? You okay in there? You've been in there for a while,' Kendall said.

'Yeah. I'll be out soon.' James opened his eyes and looked at his thighs. He gasped. Instead of the usual dots of blood coming out, blood had been gushing out. It had dried but the wounds were still open. Tears started to blur his vision. He took a deep breath. He had to put them under the shower, to get the blood off.

Fists clenched and eyes shut tightly, he put his thighs under the water. James hissed in pain and his only thought was "Fuck fuck fuck! This stings!" After the pain died down a little, he opened his eyes and he nervously and gently rubbed the wounds. The blood started to come off.

'James?' Kendall said again. James hurriedly started to put his stuff back into his wash bag. He stood up and took a sharp intake of breath. Shit! His legs hurt to move. He turned the shower off and wrapped a towel around him. He opened the door into the bedroom and jumped back slightly as he almost bumped into Kendall.

Kendall was standing right outside the door, arm raised about to knock on the door. He smiled as he saw James.

'Finally! What were you doing in there?' the blonde asked the brunette. James just shrugged and walked behind him. Kendall shook his head and smiled a little. He walked into the bathroom. He pulled the shower curtain back and started to strip off.

After he had taken all his clothes off, he stepped into the shower. He frowned as he saw a red stain on the tiled shower floor. He bent down. Was that... Blood? What had James been doing?


	3. Chapter 3

**AN- Thanks for following and favouriting (:**** Also, I have a poll on my account page and could you guys fill it out please?**

**Disclaimer- I do not own any of the characters or song lyrics ):**

James sat on the edge of his bed, his towel hanging around his shoulders. He was looking down at his thighs. He bit his lip. His wet hair hung down over his face, dripping onto his legs. He gingerly traced his cuts on his thighs.

'If we stand together, we will be unbroken.' James smiled as he heard Kendall's beautiful voice float out from the bathroom. Kendall was singing one of his favourite songs, Unbroken by Black Veil Brides.

The tall brunette stood up and walked over to his oak chest of drawers. It was getting colder outside so he chose some warmer pyjamas than usual. He took out a grey pair of pyjama pants and a loose white Big Time Rush t-shirt. He stood in front of the full length mirror and took out his lucky comb. James combed his hair and then took out the hair-dryer.

Kendall came out of the bathroom just as James had finished drying his hair. Kendall smiled at his boyfriend in the mirror. James saw him and turned around. They both looked at each other for a few seconds, Kendall wrapped in a black and white striped towel and James with a comb in one hand and a hair-dryer in the other. A light blush came across the blondes cheeks. James smirked and turned away,  
'Hey, I'm going to brush my teeth.'

'I did mine when I was in the shower,' Kendall replied. James smiled and walked into the bathroom.

As soon as James had closed the door, he sat down on the edge of the bath. His thighs were hurting. They didn't hurt at first because self-harming releases calming chemicals which numbs the pain. But now they had worn off. Tears were starting to form in his eyes. He clenched his fists and bit his bottom lip. James quickly got his toothbrush out and set the timer for two minutes. After two minutes had passed, he rinsed his toothbrush under water to get the toothpaste off.

James walked out of the bathroom and into the bedroom. Kendall had just finished drying his hair with the hair-dryer and he looked at James. They both smiled.

'I see you're wearing your new t-shirt,' James pointed out.

'Of course. Thank you again,' Kendall smile. He was wearing a black t-shirt with the words Blink 182 in white on it. One of Kendalls favourite bands. He was also wearing baggy light blue sweat pants.

'I saw it and instantly thought of you,' James said. He yawned as soon as he had finished talking.

'You tired?' Kendall asked, concern evident all over his face. James nodded and walked over to their mirror. He got his comb and brushed his hair. Kendall smiled and shook his head,  
'You're going into bed. Your hair will get messy anyway.'

James laughed,  
'I know. But still,' he turned to Kendall, 'I need my hair to look good.' He put his comb down and walked over to his bed, yawning again as he walked to his bed. He got into his bed and pulled his duvet up to his chin.

'Goodnight James,' Kendall said as he put a pair of socks on.

'Goodnight Kendall,' James replied. James fell asleep almost instantly. Kendall knew he was asleep as he could heard him snoring. He stood up and quietly walked out of the room. He went down the swirly slide and saw Carlos and Logan on the couch, watching something on the TV with the volume on low.

'Hey guys,' Kendall said as he sat down next to them. Carlos and Logan smiled at him. Kendall smiled back. Carlos was leaning against Logans' shoulder with Logans' arm draped around his shoulders, holding them tightly together. The slightly taller boy was watching the TV with a look of interest on his face while the tanned boy was looking bored and confused.

'What are we watching?' Kendall asked.

'Doctor Who,' Logan quickly replied.

'Really? I didn't know you liked it,' Kendall said, frowning.

'I only watch it at night. When nobody else is awake,' Logan explained while he blushed, 'Speaking of which, how are you still awake?'

'I'm worried about James guys.' Kendall explained everything. After he had finished, the TV had been paused (a Dalek and The Doctor were on the screen, arguing) and Carlos and Logan were staring intently at Kendall, who had tears in his eyes.

'So, you think James is self-harming?' asked Logan. Kendall responded by raising his thick eyebrows, nodding and letting out a heavy sigh. The shortest boy cuddled into his boyfriend further, a worried look on his face.

'I don't know what to do guys. I want to help him but if I ask if he is cutting, then he's going to be embarrassed.'

'Okay, first of all. Don't call it "cutting" ,call it self-harming. It sounds better and people who self-harm find it less insulting. Secondly, don't ask him if he is harming himself. Let him know he's loved. Tell him you love him and make sure he believes it. Compliment everything about him, until he finally starts to believe you. But don't go overboard. That blade you in his drawer? Remove it. James probably has a second one, but at least one is removed. Eventually, James might admit it but he might not. He might not even be self-harming but it certainly sounds like he is. Okay?' Kendall looked at Logan with his mouth slightly open and his emerald eyes wide after Logan had finished talking.

'Okay,' Kendall replied.

Logan smiled and kissed the top of Carlos' head. He turned to the TV and played it again. Kendall walked into the kitchen area. He looked through the door of the fridge and saw that he didn't want anything in there. Disappointed, he made himself a cup of herbal tea. He said goodnight to the couple on the couch (only Carlos replied) and walked up to his shared room.

Kendall smiled at James. James' hair was messy already and his left arm was hanging off the bed. Kendall put his cup down on his bedside table. He bit his lip nervously. Should he check James' wrist to see if there were any scars or cuts? After a few minutes of thinking it through, he decided he should. He nervously knelt down and gently held James' hand in his own. The blonde got his phone and turned it on, he couldn't see in the darkness. He turned the screen, so it faced James' wrist. He gasped at what he saw. Tears filled his eyes and he dropped his boyfriends wrist.

Bright red lines, overlapping each other were all over his wrist. There were also lighter scars, ones that had been there for a while and had started to fade. Kendall, feeling numb, climbed into bed and put his phone back on the bedside table. He forgot about his tear and fell into a restless sleep.

**AN- I just realised that this the longest chapter I've wrote so far. It's not even that long. I just broke up from school for the Christmas break so I'll probably post a chapter soon (:**


	4. Chapter 4

**AN- Thanks for favouriting, following and reviewing. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own any characters or song lyrics. If I did, you would know ;)**

_Kendall gasped in horror at the sight in front of him._

_James was laying on their bedroom floor. With deep gashes up and down both arms. Especially deep on his wrist. There was a piece of paper next to him, with James' writing on it. Kendall fell to his knees and quickly read the five words that were on the note._

It's all your fault Kendall.

_The blonde dropped the piece of paper in shock._

_'James can't be dead. He can't be,' Kendall muttered to himself over and over again. He pulled his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. He let his head drop in between his knees._

_'Why didn't you help me Kendall?' Kendall's head shot up._

_James was sitting up. His eyes had a distant look in them and he was staring straight forward, at the wall. Slowly, he turned his head to look at Kendall. _

_'J-James?' Kendall managed to stutter out. James' mouth curved up into a sinister smile._

_'Why didn't you help me Kendall?' James repeated._

_'I did. I tried James. I-.'_

_'You didn't try hard,' James interrupted. _

_No words had ever hurt him as much as those four words. They felt like daggers stabbing into his heart. Suddenly, James fell back, so he was laying on his back on the floor again._

_'James? James?! JAMES?!' Kendall hurriedly crawled over to his boyfriend._

'_Kendall! Kendall wake up!' James shouted back, looking up at him. Kendall frowned in confusion. It sounded like James was calling him. But from far away._

James slowly opened his eyes. His arm was cold. Why was his arm cold? He soon realised that it was because it was hanging off the bed. He groaned and pulled it under the covers. Was this the only reason why he had woken up?

The pretty boy decided it was and he turned onto his other side, about to fall asleep again.

'James?' Kendall said quietly, slurring slightly. James rolled over again to face Kendalls' bed. Kendall was asleep but his face showed discofmort, guilt, sadness and confusion. James slowly started to sit up, not taking his eyes of Kendalls sleeping figure. The blonde kept repeating James' name, each time slowly getting louder.

'Kendall! Kendall wake up! KENDALL!' James started to shout, gently shaking his boyfriend awake.

Suddenly, Kendall shot up in bed into a sitting position. Tears were streaming down his cheeks and he was still calling for James. Immediately, James enveloped him in a hug.

'Shh. I'm here baby. I'm right here,' James whispered comfortingly, while stroking the dirty blonde hair. Kendall's sobs started to slow down.

'James?' he whispered.

'I'm okay sweetie. It was just a bad dream,' the slightly taller boy replied. Kendall breathed a sigh of relief and put his arms around his boyfriend.

'What time is it?' Kendall asked, his voice still teary sounding.

'Well it's still dark but there is some sunlight coming through,' James replied, 'I'd say about five maybe six.' He looked at the digital clock on the bedside table and smiled, 'I was right. It's ten to six.' He took his arms away from Kendall.

'I might get up now. We have to go to work in two hours,' Kendall explained as he stood up. He saw his cup of cold herbal tea on the bedside table and sighed. He sword under his breath and took it out of them room with him.

James watched his boyfriend walk out of the room. As soon as Kendall had left the room he stood up. He pulled down his grey pants and gasped softly at the cuts. They were blood red, brighter than they were last night. James quickly pulled them back up. He walked out of the bedroom and slid down the swirly slide. A slight smile came across his face. The swirly slide never got old.

Kendall was already sitting at the table, a bowl of cereal in front of him. He was eating his breakfast very slowly with his eyes half closed. James smiled at the adorable sight and got his own bowl out of the cabinet. He poured himself some cereal (lucky charms) and poured some milk in. He got a spoon and sat down next to Kendall.

'Hey,' James said.

'We saw each other less than five minutes ago,' Kendall chuckled.

'I know,' James smiled back. They ate the rest of their cereal in silence. It wasn't an awkward silence though, it was a comfortable silence.

After they had finished they both went up to their room. Gustavo had told them that they would be doing mainly dance practice today. About six hours of it. Not one of the four teenage boys were excited. Kendall went into the bathroom.

James opened his wardrobe. He pulled out a pair of baggy black sweat pants and a plain white t-shirt. James wanted to change as fast as he could, before Kendall came out. Kendall came out just as James had finished changing. James went over to his bedside table and got his fan bracelets. He didn't wear them to bed as they dug into his wrist.

Both boys smiled at each other. They walked closer to each other. The blonde pulled James into a hug and kissed his cheek.

'You are so beautiful,' he murmured into the taller's ear. James blushed.

_He's lying. Don't listen to him. _James frowned quickly but replaced it with a smile. The voice was at the back of his mind. It had been there for a few months but it had been getting louder and there more often. They pulled apart.

'I need to brush my teeth,' James said.

'I know,' Kendall laughed. James walked into the bathroom and Kendall opened his wardrobe.

The blonde looked at his clothes and pulled out a pair of skinny jeans. He also took a short sleeve white t-shirt with blue lines on it. He put the t-shirt on first. He put the jeans on. Instantly, he remembered that all they were doing today would be dance practice. He groaned and pulled out a pair of grey sweat pants instead. Annoyed, Kendall took the jeans off but kept the t-shirt on.

James got out his toothbrush and put a bit of toothpaste on it. He started to brush his teeth. The sound of Kendalls groan floated through to him. James frowned and a bit of smirk came across his face. Was Kendall having a quickie? No. It sounded more like a frustrated groan. The brunette continued to brush his teeth until the two minutes were up. He quickly rinsed his mouth with some mouthwash.

James walked out of the bathroom and was greeted with the sight of Kendall. Except for his boxers (plain black) Kendall's bottom half was bare. James took a sharp intake of breath and felt his sweats start to go tighter. Kendall seemed to hear James and he spun around.

'Shit James! Sorry sweetie. I was wearing skinnies but then I remembered we dance practice today. So I changed into sweats,' he rambled while he was putting on the pair of sweats. James laughed and shook his head. He got his comb out and, like he did every morning, went over to the mirror and started to style his hair.

After ten minutes James had finished. Kendall had left the room. He hated the smell of hairspray but James insisted on using it. Every single morning. The brunette sprayed himself with Cuda man spray. Cuda had released again, changed and tested more after everyone was having severe allergic reactions. James went out of the bedroom and slid down the swirly slide.

'Hey James!' Carlos said. James looked over to the kitchen and saw Carlos and Logan sitting there eating their breakfast. James smiled back and looked at the couch. He could see Kendall sitting there, watching something on TV. James jumped over the back of the couch and landed next to Kendall.

Kendall looked at his boyfriend and smiled as he sat next to him. He put an arm across James' shoulders.

'What are we watching?' James smiled as he moved closer to Kendall.

'I don't know. Some shit on the animal channel,' Kendall smiled as he smelt James' favourite Cuda spray. Carlos and Logan finished their breakfast (lucky charms cereal also) and walked upstairs to their shared bedroom.

When they had changed, brushed their teeth and done whatever they wanted to their hair, they slid down the swirly slide. Obviously, Carlos came first. They smiled at each other as they noticed that the other two boys were in the exact same position as they were fifteen minutes ago.

'Hey guys! You coming?' Logan asked.

'Sure. Won't we be early though?' Kendall answered.

'Better to be early than late. And not if we drive slowly,' Logan said as they all walked towards the door.

**AN 2- So yeah. I didn't know when to end this chapter so I decided to just end it there. Don't be mad at me though! I only poster chapter three yesterday. Be proud of me! Could you guys review please because I literally have no willpower. Oh, and fill out the poll on my account page please? (:**


	5. Chapter 5

**AN- ****HAPPY HOLIDAYS!**** Thanks for reviewing, following and favouriting (:**

**Disclaimer- I definitely own Big Time Rush, Doctor Who, all the bands mentioned and all the sing lyrics. **(In my dreams.)

The four guys walked out of the Palmwoods.

'Can I drive? Can I drive? Please guys. Please?' Carlos excitedly asked. The other three guys nervously looked at each other.

'It's not that we don't want you to drive. It's just that... Well...' Kendall started to say.

'Carlitos. Why don't you sit in the back with me?' Logan said, smiling at Carlos as he put an arm around him.

'Okay,' Carlos replied, smiling back.

'I'll drive,' Kendall stated as he got into the drivers seat. James sat next to him in the front and Carlos and Logan sat in the back. Kendall put the keys in the ignition and turned the radio on.

_'You want to hug me. What rhymes with hug me?'_

'I hate that song,' Kendall groaned as he instantly turned the radio back off. James chuckled and looked at the two smaller boys in the back seat. They were leaning close to each other, Logan's lips were basically on Carlos' ear. James could hear the whispering but he didn't know what they were saying.

'Hey! What are you guys talking about?' he shouted, hitting Carlos' leg lightly with his hand, making them jump apart.

'We're thinking of lyrics for a song,' Logan replied.

'Really? Why were you so close then?' James questioned with a raised eyebrow.

'We don't want you and Kendall to hear it yet,' Carlos said with an innocent smile on his face. James looked at them both before turning back in his seat and looking out the windshield.

Carlos and Logan were talking about a new song. But not just a new song.

'So what do you think about James?' Carlos whispered.

'Well. I, uh, I don't really know. It really does seem like he is self-harming. Out of all us though, I always thought James was the least likely to self-harm,' Logan replied.

'We're here guys,' Kendall exclaimed from the front.

* * *

The four boys staggered out of Roque Records and into the hot sun. It was getting colder at night time but it was still hot during the day. All four of them were covered in sweat, red faced and exhausted.

'Those were the longest four hours I have ever experienced,' Logan said.

'At least we have the day off tomorrow,' Kendall stated, trying to cheer them up.

'How does Mr X have so much energy? Even Carlos is tired,' James, pointing at the short Latino, who was drinking a bottle of water.

'He's a professional dancer. They're trained to have stamina and energy,' Logan explained, 'That was a rhetorical question wasn't it?' he added after seeing the other three boys faces.

'Yes Logan. Yes it was,' James replied as he started to walk towards their car.

They sat in the car for at least two minutes before Kendall had the energy to start the car up. James turned the radio on.

_'And if you're a Doctor Who fan, or Whovian as I believe they're called, log on to our website for your chance to win some Doctor Who prizes! These prizes include an inflatable Dalek, a poster of the fourth Doctor signed by Tom Baker himself, a life-sized cardboard cut-out of Christopher Eccleston, the ninth Doctor and many more! One lucky winner even gets the chance to appear on an episode of Doctor Who with the new Doctor, Peter Capaldi!'_

'Logan!' Carlos and Kendall both shouted.

'I know!' Logan replied instantly.

'What?' James looked at them in confusion, 'What does Logan know?'

'Oh! Logan likes Doctor Who,' Kendall explained.

'You do?' James turned around in his seat to look at Logan.

'Yeah... I only watch it at night when nobody else is awake,' Logan blushed while looking down.

'Why at night when nobody else is awake? Dude, how do you understand any of it?' James asked.

'Nobody else likes it and I don't know. I just do,' Logan mumbled, starting to feel annoyed. James sensed this and turned back around in his seat.

Kendall pulled into the Palmwoods car park. As soon as he had parked the car, Logan got out of and ran excitedly inside. Carlos ran after him.

'Logan's definitely excited for that competition!' Kendall said.

'Yeah. How many times do you think he'll enter?' James smiled. Both boys smiled and got out of the car. Kendall held James' hand as they walked into the Palmwoods. The brunette looked at his boyfriend and smiled. He was lucky to have Kendall as his boyfriend.

When they got into 2J, they saw Logan sitting on the couch with his laptop on his lap. Carlos was sitting next to him, looking at the screen , clearly confused.

'Logie these questions make no sense!' he exclaimed.

'They do. You don't understand them because you don't like Doctor Who,' Logan said .

'Where are Ice Warriors from? What are they? What are Adipose made from? Again, what are they?! What do Cybermen say? No I actually know that one! Exterminate!' Carlos said the last part proudly.

'The Ice Warriors are from Mars. The Adipose are made of fat and Cybermen say delete. The Daleks say exterminate.' Logan smiled. Carlos sighed and rolled his eyes. He turned his attention to his phone screen.

Kendall and James looked at each other and smiled. They sat on the couch and turned the TV on. Carlos walked into the kitchen area and got some corndogs out of the freezer. He frowned as he saw an envelope addressed to Kendall on the counter. He picked it up and opened it. He saw it was note. Instead of giving it to Kendall though, the Latino decided to read it.

'Hey guys! We're home alone for a couple of days!' he happily said.

'What? Where are Katie and my mom?' Kendall asked.

'Gone to visit family in Minnesota for a couple of days!' All four boys looked at each other and smiled. Even Logan looked up from his laptop screen for a few seconds.

'We're **not **having a party. Remember what happened last time!' Kendall pointed out as he remembered the last time they were left alone.

_'What happened?' Katie said as she walked into the apartment and looked around at the mess. There was a broken lamp on the floor, there were empty plastic cups all over the floor. Shards of glass were everywhere. The orange couch cushions were over the floor. The dome hockey table was laying on it's side and one of the blue stools by the kitchen was poking out of the swirly slide._

_'We had a party. It got a little out of hand,' Kendall said has he swept up some of the glass._

_'You know Mom is going to freak,' Katie replied._

_'We know!' Carlos yelled from the bathroom._

_Katie looked at the sight in front of her and smiled. Logan was desperately trying to fix a broken lamp, Kendall was sweeping up bits of broken glass, Carlos was doing something in the bathroom and James was picking up the plastic cups. _

_'What happened in here!' Jennifer shouted. Carlos came out of the bathroom and everyone stopped what they were doing and turned to look at the apartment door. Jennifer was standing in the doorway, just behind Katie. She was looking around the apartment with her keys in her hand and her face red with anger. Immediately, all four boys tried to make excuses._

_'It's a long story. It started with a small party, hanging with a couple of friends. Word spread on Twitter and everybody came over. And well, things got a little out of hand,' Kendall explained quickly._

Long story short, they were grounded for a month. No video games and no dome hockey. After every meal, one of them had to do all the dishes. Once a week, someone had to mop and someone else had to clean the bathroom. And someone else had to clean the bedrooms.

'Yeah. Maybe not a party,' James said what everyone was thinking.

'There's also a $100 for groceries,' Carlos said as he pulled some money out of the envelope.

'I think we should have a Chinese,' Kendall smiled.

* * *

Seven hours later, the boys were on the couch playing video games. The boxes the Chinese food came in were on the floor with very little food left in them.

'Carlos! You just shot me! We're on the same team!' Kendall shouted.

'Sorry Kendall! I thought you were Logan!' Carlos quickly apologised.

'Whatever. I'm going upstairs. I might go in the shower,' Kendall sighed as he stood up and put his controller on the couch.

Kendall walked into his bedroom and picked his guitar up that was by his bed. He sat on his bed and started playing the song Saviour by Black Veil Brides. He closed his eyes.

'I never meant to be the one who kept you from the dark,' James sang. Kendall opened his eyes and stopped playing.

'Hey. Who won?' Kendall asked.

'Who do you think?' James replied.

'Carlos?'

'Of course. Keep playing.'

'Okay.' Kendall started to play Saviour again.

'I never meant to be the one who kept you from the dark. But now I know my wounds are sewn because of who you are.' The couple both sand together. They only got to sing those two lines though because Carlos walked in. He smiled at the tall boys,  
'Hey. Sorry. Logan wanted me to tell you that Heffron Drive are doing an interview on TV.'

Kendall jumped up and carefully put his guitar on his bed. He practically ran out of the bedroom and down into the living-room.

'He's obsessed with that band,' James commented, watching his boyfriend. Carlos chuckled and walked out of the room and down the swirly slide into the living-room. James was right behind him.

'Sit by me James,' Kendall said, like a little kid. James say next to his boyfriend and put an arm around him. Carlos and Logan sat on the other end of the couch, with their arms around each other as well.

After an hour of Kendall staring at the TV, James on his phone checking Twitter, Logan still entering the Doctor Who competitions and Carlos playing games on his phone, the Heffron Drive interview finally finished.

'I'm going to bed,' Kendall stated just after he yawned.

'But it's only nine,' Carlos pointed out.

'And you haven't showered. After we had a four hour dance practice,' James added.

'I don't care. We have the day off tomorrow. And I'm tired,' Kendall said as he stood up and walked upstairs.

When he walked into his bedroom, he walked over to James' chest of drawers and opened the bottom one. He took out the blade at the bottom,  
'One less blade James. One less blade.'

* * *

**AN 2- I haven't proof read this. It's midnight and I had less than 6 hours sleep last night. Please fill out the poll on my page and review. I have no energy or will power otherwise. Think this fanfic is shit? Say that! Just review please.**


	6. Chapter 6

**AN- Thanks for reviewing, favouriting and following (: So, for Christmas I had a new computer. Woo! It's in my room so I can write whenever I want. Like when I was writing my previous chapter.**

**Disclaimer- I have recently been told that actually, I DON'T own Big Time Rush *sigh***

'Kendall?' James walked into their bedroom. He smiled when he saw that Kendall was laying, asleep, on his bed, still dressed in the clothes he was wearing earlier. The blonde was so tired he didn't even change his clothes. James laughed slightly and quickly took his own clothes off. He put a pair of navy pyjama pants and white vest top on. He took his fan bracelets off and put them in the drawer. He got into bed and fell asleep instantly without brushing his teeth. His hair wasn't even brushed!

* * *

Carlos and Logan were downstairs watching Family Guy. They considered telling James it was on as it's James favourite TV show but they decided not to, as he was probably already asleep. They were laying on the orange couch but on opposite sides. Their feet met together in the middle. Logan smiled when he remembered that Carlos' feet were ticklish. He moved his feet back slightly and tickled the shorter boy's foot with his toes. Carlos immediately burst into a fit of giggles.

'Logan! Logan! Stop! Please!" Carlos managed to say through laughs. Logan smiled and stopped tickling his boyfriend. The slightly shorter boy pulled the blanket , that Logan had got from their bedroom, up to his chin. Both boys turned their attention back to Family Guy.

When the show had finished, Logan sat up and leant back on his elbows. He smiled when he saw Carlos was already sleeping. He decided to not wake him up. Logan stood up and turned the TV off. He made sure the blanket was completely over him before he went upstairs.

* * *

The first thing Carlos was aware of when he woke up was that he was hungry. The second thing, however, was that he wasn't in his bed. The third thing was that his face was pressed up against a cushion and he could barely breathe. He turned over onto his other side and frowned. It was still pretty dark. He stretched his arm onto the floor and picked up his phone.  
His phone lit up and he squinted at the time. His eyes widened as he realised it was nine in the morning. Wait, Why was it dark? Carlos sat up and looked at the windows. The curtains were closed.

'Morning.' Carlos turned his head to see Kendall sitting at the table, with a an empty plate in front of him on the table.

'Morning,' Carlos smiled back.

'It's cloudy outside. That's why it's so dark in case you were wondering.'

'I was. Where's Logan and James?' Carlos asked with a frown on his face.

'James is in bed and Logan's gone grocery shopping,' the blonde explained.

Carlos stood up and stretched.

'I'm going in the shower,' Carlos yawned as he walked towards the bathroom.

'You know you have an en suite right?' Kendall said.

'Yeah but this is nearer,' Carlos replied.

* * *

James woke up.

'Why is it so dark?' he asked himself. He stood up and walked over to the window. He frowned when he saw it was raining.

'Great,' he muttered. He cringed as he tasted a bad taste in his mouth. Realisation dawned on him. He didn't brush his teeth last night. Absent mindedly, he traced his fingers over his wrist. A large smiled graced his features as he realised that even though he didn't brush his teeth or his hair (he gasped out loud at that part) he didn't self-harm either. There was a gentle knock at his bedroom door,  
'Hey James. You awake yet?' Kendall asked from the other side of the door.

'Yeah,' James replied, while putting his bracelets on. Kendall opened the door and smiled at James. They walked over to each other and hugged.

'Morning,' Kendall said while resting his lips on James' ear. James involuntarily shivered.

'Morning,' he said back, his voice a bit shaky. Kendall smiled at the effect he was having on the older boy. He pulled his head back and softly kissed James on the lips.

'Don't go any further,' James warned, 'I haven't brushed my teeth.'

'I know,' Kendall laughed,' You only just woke up! Speaking of which. I have something for you.' Kendall walked out of the room, feeling James' eyes on him. The blonde bent down and picked something up from the floor. He stood up and put his hands behind his back. He walked over to his boyfriend,  
'Close your eyes and hold out your hands,' he instructed James.

'I'm slightly scared,' James admitted with a nervous smiled. Kendall placed something in his hands.

'Okay. Open your eyes,' Kendall said. James nervously opened his eyes and looked at the object in his hands.

'It's just a smoothie. I wanted you to get nervous because you look cute then,' Kendall said with a blush.

'And I don't look cute all the time?' James asked.

'No! You do look cute! But it's just.. you look especially cute when you're nervous,' Kendall quickly explained. James chuckled and opened his smoothie. He took a long drink of it and smiled.

'Thanks. It's my favourite. Strawberries and banana,' he said.

'I know,' Kendall replied.

James took another sip of his drink and looked at the wall near the door. He almost chocked on his drink as he realised there was a new poster near the door.

'Kendall! Why is there a Heffron Drive poster?' James asked Kendall who was blushing and looking at the floor.

'I ordered it last week,' he replied.

'Kendall, don't be a smart-ass. I don't mind Heffron Drive but I don't want to go to sleep with Dustin Belt and Kendall Schmidt looking at me!'

'But... But Kendall and I have the same first name! And we both have blonde hair,' Kendall pointed out.

'Yes. But his last name is Schmidt and your last name is Knight! And that Kendall has brown eyes!' James said, 'I'm going in the shower.' He put his smoothie down onto the chest of drawers and walked into the en suite.

**AN 2- Sorry this chapter is really short and I haven't updated for ages. I've had 4 tests and loads of homework as well. Also, my hamster has died. And I haven't been in a really shitty mood lately and I haven't felt like writing. Which is weird because I usually love writing.**


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